my mom told me that in high school she use to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad
If an intruder ever comes to fucking murder you. You throw your mother fucking head back pull your arms in weird shapes and whip your head forward again and say the anti crist has awoken whilst smiling the biggest smile you have ever made. no smart person would ever fuck around with you if you did that.
STOP REBLOGGING THIS PLEASE ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFFFEEE
Cannibals may seem nice but they’re just trying to butter you up
The guy in the back looks confused too
homie absorbed all his brother swag in the womb
THEY LOOK THE SAME THEIR FACES ARE THE SAME BUT?????
“Twins of the different race are produced if the parents are of mixed race, and when their sperms and eggs are fused and fertilized gives a mixture of genetic codes for black and white skin. Their skin color is determined up to seven different genes working together. The chance of a mixed race couple of having twins of different colors are a million to one. If the twins are inherited from mixed race parents, one can be white, fair-haired and light skin and the other can be black and have dark hair.”
Thank you science side of tumblr
also do u realise how rare this is omg
how am i supposed to make creative funny text posts when nothing happens in my life at all
you just use a story from sims and pretend it really happened to you
one time i was swimming but the pool ladders disappeared so i couldn’t get out of the pool and i swam for 10 hours then died